I’m afraid the truth will scare my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I have just turned 27 years old, and I am having some problems. I used to run around a lot because I did not grow up in a stable home.

My sister, who is two years younger than I, used to leave the house while our mother was sleeping to go out with guys. She would come back home and our mother would not even know. We grew up seeing our mother with different men all the time. My sister and I don't know our fathers; we have different fathers.

One day, my sister and I went to carnival. Our mother called us and asked where we were. We told her we were with a friend. She asked why we hadn't told her we were going to be with a friend, but she said that, wherever we were, we might as well stay there for the night.

We knew that our mother was crazy enough to punish us. Although we were in our teens, she would take off her slippers and beat us, so we decided not to go home that night.

One of the guys with us offered to take us home. He bought us some food and took us to his friend's house where both he and his friend took turns having sex with us. My sister and I were half-drunk. We were not even sure which of the men, but we know both men took turns.

When we thought our mother had left for work, one of the guys finally took us home. For two days, my lower abdomen was sore. When our mother came home, we had to lie to her. I have since seen one of the men again, and he tried to get me to go out with him, but I told him never again.

I suffered from a vaginal infection and had to see a doctor. My sister had the same experience. The doctor treated us, advised us to be careful, and also told us what type of underwear we should wear.

At present, I am dating a man. I do not feel worthy to have him as my boyfriend. He goes to church and I did not grow up in church. He talks about us getting married once I become a Christian and join the church.

Pastor, should I tell him about the life I have lived? I do not want him to leave me because I love him very much. My sister says she is not ready to settle down and is still going out with different men.

N.

Dear N.,

Keep your mouth shut. You may tell your boyfriend that you are not a virgin, but do not give him a detailed history of your sex life. If you do, you may scare him away.

Good men generally do not want women who have been with several other men. You are old enough to understand what I mean.

Your mother did not set good examples for you or your sister. Both of you should be thankful that you did not get pregnant or contact sexually transmitted diseases in the past.

Let me hear from you again. I wish you well.

Pastor