Elderly man had secret sex with wife’s caregiver

Dear Pastor,

I am a 71-year-old man facing some serious challenges. My wife is four years older than I am and has been unwell for some time. We have two children who are married and living in New York.

For an entire year, I was unable to go out to work because I had to remain at home to take care of my wife. When our children visited Jamaica, we discussed the situation and they insisted that we employ a caregiver. A family friend who is a practical nurse agreed to live with us and care for my wife, who has great difficulty walking. Our children have been covering all the medical expenses.

Eventually, I returned to work. I own my own business and have competent staff who managed things while I was away. The caregiver does not have children, so she spends most of her time at our home.

Unfortunately, I allowed temptation to get the better of me. I lusted after her, and she lusted after me, and that is how it began. Sometimes, when my wife was asleep, I would go into the caregiver's room and she would take care of me sexually.

One night, after the caregiver and I had been together, we both fell asleep. My wife woke up in pain, and neither of us heard her calling for help. Eventually, she managed to reach her phone and called a neighbour. Around 1 a.m., the neighbour came pounding on our front door and informed us that my wife needed assistance. I was deeply embarrassed.

When the caregiver got up, she forgot that she was not wearing any underwear. The neighbour had to point out that she was naked.

When my wife asked where we were, I told her that we had both fallen asleep. She accused me of being involved with the caregiver and demanded that I send her away. I cannot allow the caregiver to leave because she is a great help to us. My wife later told our children that she could have died and neither of us helped her.

I told my children not to accept everything their mother said, and they have been trying to calm her down. The caregiver also does not want to leave the job.

What do you think I should do? I know I should not have gotten involved with this woman, but as I said, the devil got into both of us.

C.

Dear C.,

First of all, I am sorry to hear about your wife's illness. I believe that you are a good man who made a serious mistake, as you have admitted.

You are still a strong man with natural desires, and your wife has not been able to meet those needs because of her condition. However, you must exercise self-control. Your wife is not foolish, and she will never feel comfortable with this caregiver because she suspects that the two of you are involved.

I must warn you: allow the caregiver to work only during the day, and you should remain alone with your wife at nights. That is the best advice I can offer you at this time.

Pastor